Not much to say

Not much to say today so...


Cobra Commander kicking your dog since 1985

The Real GI Joe

I recently reviewed GI Joe: the Rise of Cobra and was pretty generous. I gave the movie 2 and a half stars. Well I'm taking those stars back after I saw this little gem.

The Ballad of G.I. Joe from Olivia Wilde

Better costumes, better cast and all with a smaller budget. I know its a parody but this is GI Joe. The characterizations are spot on. Hollywood once again proves its clueless. This is what we want, not some wimpy movie about an international peace keeping force wearing power ranger's costumes battling the MARS corporation. A movie too scared to put Cobra Commander in costume because we don't want to offend.

Mr. Sommers are you listening?

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go watch Destro and Baroness practice the clarinet.

No Joe!

Thursday I recommended giving the GI Joe movie a chance... I sure hope you didn't listen to me.




Full spoilers below.

So the movie opens with the line "In the not to distant future..." at which point my brother and I both broke out into the Mystery Science Theater 3000 theme song. Not a good sign.

The movie is non stop action and doesn't make a lick of sense. I thought the bad guys were cool but the Joes were horrible. Besides Scarlett and Snake Eyes I wanted them all to die a painful death. Especially Duke... he was boring as all get out. Horrible actor, they should have cast Brendan Fraiser instead.

Then we had Breaker, the arabic geek on the team. He was one of the most whiny characters ever and I kept expecting to see him in a dress. It was ridiculous.

Heavy Duty was okay but never really did anything.

And then we had Ripcord played by Mr. Wayans. The klutzy comedy relief. He ends up hooking up with Scarlet (what?!?). Half the time he seemed to be in love with Duke. Seriously I thought they should have almost gotten married instead of Duke and Baroness.

Yeah that's right there's a whole love story between Duke and Baroness that falls apart due to her kid brother dying but not really dying.

Oh and the plot... well Destro develops a weapon for nato and then steals it but then needs to kidnap a civilain scientist (Baroness's husband (not Duke)) to weaponize it since he can't do it himself being a weapon's designer and all.

Oh and we never hear the word Cobra until the last 15 minutes of the movie... What?

The movie is watchable and even entertaining at points but quickly falls apart over and over due to shoddy writing and accelerator suits. It was kinda like someone saw an episode of GI Joe Sigma 6 and thought this would be a great movie. The last 30 minutes are decent enough but the movie ends with Cobra Commander and Destro being captured and Baroness switching sides.

I give it 2 and a half stars out of 5. Not the worst movie I've seen but it could have been so much better. I know this movie was rushed out the door due to the writer's strike so I tell you what. Hire new writers and recast the Joe team and I'll think about seeing the sequel... I'll think about it... no promises.

I'm eagerly awaiting the riff trax. If you want to watch a great GI Joe move, please watch GI Joe Resolute instead and wait for this one to air on FX.

And knowing is half the battle

As a child of the 80's (actually late 70's but close enough) I was obviously a huge fan of GI Joe. The cartoons, the characters, the toys, it was all good. The plot was simple. GI Joe (America) vs the Cobra (the bad guys). That's all you needed to know. Cobra was always going to have some crazy plot involving weather dominators or red rocket burgers and the Joes were always going to be there to stop him.

Then came change. Two new characters were added: real life Sgt. Slaughter and Serpentor. I liked these two, but I missed the days when Cobra Commander was running things. This was followed by an abysmal animated movie featuring Cobra LA and Cobra Commander turning into a snake. What had happened to my Joes?



Soon GI Joe returned with new episodes by a new production company. The show was turned into a cheaply animated comedy and beyond ruined. At the same time the toyline completely ran out of gas with crappy characters like the Ice Cream Soldier.

I was done with GI Joe... or so I thought.

It was around this time that my brother Tim and I discovered GI Joe comics. This was during the gulf war and the body count was through the roof. This was definately not the cartoon show. I soon refell in love with these cool characters especially Snake Eyes. All thanks to one man Larry Hama.

And that is why I'm giving the movie a chance. Larry Hama served as a consultant on the film. He has given the movie his blessing. He wrote every issue of the GI Joe marvel comic run. Everything you love about GI Joe is because of him.

Sure people hate the accelerator suits in the movie. But there was a lot of silly sci fi going on in the old cartoon, so lets overlook that.

Check out the cast: Dennis Quaid, Ray Park, Mr. Eko, Christopher Eccleston, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Sienna Miller, Arnold Vosloo. That's a heck of a cast. On the other hand you have Marlon Wayans... but I think the good outweighs the bad.

Now some (myself included) have complained about how Cobra Commander looks. Well apparently this is just a temporary suit and he'll have his classic duds in the next movie.

So what am I saying? Give this movie a chance. Will the movie be perfect, no. Will you have fun, probably. We could be seeing the birth of a really cool franchise here but it will never happen if no one goes and sees it. I for one would love to see the dreadknocks, Shipwreck, BATS, Serpentor, the twins, Springfield, and more. But we'll only get that if we get a sequel.

GI Joe Resolute

The GI Joe webseries GI Joe Resolute airs in its entirety Saturday night at midnight on adult swim.

I've seen the first fifty minutes and let me tell you this is GI Joe like you've never seen it. Think of it this way... if GI Joe was real and the terrorists did attack, this is how we would react. Nobody is safe. Fan Favorite characters die left and right. This is GI Joe vs Cobra to the death.

Check it out tomorrow night or visit adult swim.

al is greedy and will steal your stuff

Christmas is just around the corner so this is a good as time as any to post my christmas list. My list may seem a bit much but I usually don't buy a whole lot of stuff during the year. I really try and rack up at Christmas time.


G.I. Joe Vs. The Transformers Omnibus: Volumes 1 - 4 (Hardcover)





I'm a sucker for GI Joe and Transformer's stories. I've been a fan since I was a child, so this is right up my alley. This volume collects the 4 crossover stories by Devil's Due. The four stories are set in an alternate reality. The stories range from the rise of Serpentor to a Cobra La cult that worships Unicron. Fun stuff.


Futurama: Beast with a Billion Backs DVD





Poor Futurama, cancelled before its time. Thankfully it lives on in direct to dvd movies. This is the second of the four DTD movies. The movie has gotten less than favorable reviews but I'm willing to give it a chance. I really enjoyed Bender's Big Score.


Futurama: Bender's Game DVD





The Third Futurama movie takes on roleplaying games and the Lord of the Ring's genre. Looks like lots of fun. Can't wait.


NECA Shredder Figure Set





Whoa check out that sweet Shredder. I stopped collecting figures years ago but this one is just too awesome. Included in the set is an Utrom (Krang) and two foot soldiers. And if you get the Shredder set then you have to get....


NECA TMNT Figures





Another great looking set based on the Turtles looks from the original comics. Very nice.


MST3K 20th anniversary DVD Set





I still remember the first day I discovered Mystery Science Theater. I was doubled over in laughter. My dad thought it was the stupidest thing he had ever seen. He still feels that way to this day. Its been ten years since the show ended and I'm happy to see its as popular as ever.


One Piece Second and Third Voyage





One Piece is the greatest anime/manga ever. Say it with me.


It with me.


Very Funny. One Piece tells the story of Luffy who wants to be king of the pirates. He's on a quest to find the late Captain Gold Rogers treasure. Along the way he gathers a crew of unique characters with their own dreams. A fine series that was utterly ruined when it was edited for american audiences.

Well this is the Unedited and redubbed version and it is sweet. Great, great series. You owe it to yourself to check it out.


Well there's mine, feel free to post yours.